I cant do it all...

I have realised that the majority of my recent blog posts have been well, Negative, miserable and complaining about how sh*t life is. But that's where I'm at right now. In the grand scheme of things I have a pretty good life. I'm married, have two beautiful healthy children and have wonderful family and friends. what more could I want?


Why I am incredibly grateful for all of the above I cant help but feel I have lost my identity in some way. Up until very recently I had a part time job working as a spa therapist. I use to work weekends and this then changed to Fridays, and why that may seem like minimal work to some, for me it worked perfectly with family life and it was something "for me". I felt I had a purpose other than being a mum.it was a place I could be me, have adult conversation, hot cups of tea, actually eat my own lunch and get called by my real name! When all you hear is mum mum, mummy mummy , muuuummmmm all day you will understand how glorious it is to hear your actual name!

If you have been a long time follower of my blog you will know that my husband is in the armed forces and is currently 6 weeks in to a 5 month deployment! Three and half years ago I made the decision to leave the area I grew up in, leave my job, family and friends and move hundreds and hundreds of miles away so that for the majority of the time when he wasn't deployed, we could live as a "normal family" instead of him being a weekend daddy and husband. Why I don't regret my decision for a minute, in doing so I gave up a huge support network. I'm originally Sussex girl and once I became a mummy I was fortunate enough to be able to return to work part time and have the help of my mum. If I was poorly or my daughter was sick (obviously unless she was extremely poorly) my mum and other family members were on hand to help so that I wouldn't have to take time off work or run myself ragged . They say it takes a village to raise a child and to some extent it does. They say women can have it all, but to me I think "having it all" differs from person to person, but not one of those women could "have it all" without a small army behind them. Whether that be a nanny, nursery, or family members helping with child care to enable these women to have the high flying career that they have. Or have a husband who earns enough so that they are able to stay at home and be the stay at home mum they have wanted to be. Or have a partner with a flexible job so they share the childcare so mum can work part time.

I now fall in to the stay at home mum category and why I feel extremely lucky to be in a position to stay at home with my children, I don't feel complete as a person. With my husband away and my family hundreds of miles away, Continuing with my job was becoming extremely difficult because if my children are poorly, which this winter seems to be ALL THE FLIPPING TIME or there is a school closure, I am forever taking time off work and that isn't fair to my company who were so good to me. So realising I cant do it all without that small army behind me,I made the difficult decision to leave work.

So now I sort of feel in limbo, at a cross roads. what do I do now?!? My daughter is 5 and in full time school and my son is 2 and half and attends nursery once a week so they don't needs me every waking moment. So I feel a little lost. I started this blog when Charlie was around 9 months old for something to do. A place to write my thoughts and share my life as a mum. I have met some lovely people, worked on some exciting projects and campaigns and worked with some amazing brands, and about a year ago I ventured in to vlogging.

Aside from being a beauty therapist I feel like I have found something I feel I love. Whether one or one hundred thousand people read my blogs and watch my videos it shouldn't and doesn't matter. Why being a mum is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life, its nice to have something separate, something that is for me and is mine. I know not everyone will feel this way and that's okay. Life is to short to be unhappy so you need to do what makes you happy!

So why I have been blogging for a little while, truth be told I haven't put all the time and effort that I have wanted or could have. So that will now be changing. wheather it becomes a job or not I will considered this "my thing" something that I do and something for me. I would love for you to follow me on my journey...

If yo have felt the same or can relate I would love to hear from you.

Natasha x