I have been a mum now for just over 7 years. Saying that out loud seems crazy! The fact I have managed to survive and keep another human who has been solely reliant on me (and my husband too I guess) for survival seems utter madness. Madness because at times it has felt like have failed. Ive got it wrong, I've made mistakes and some days I haven't been the best mum. Seven years in, and two more children later and I've realised that that is okay! Because sometimes, especially in those early years before they start school, it really is all about survival!
Motherhood sprung on me like an unexpected houseguest. I wasn't prepared in the slightest. I was in the midst of planning my wedding and yet I found myself pregnant! So many questions, thoughts and worries went round and round in my head but the main one was how was I going to do it? How was I going to Survive motherhood?
As a first time mum I was blissfully unaware of what lied ahead. I swore I would be that mum would never leave the house without my face on. That my child would be wearing the best clothes, eat homemade puree, exclusively breastfed and only play with wooden toys, none of that plastic crap!Oh and no tv until she was about three! I would only have the best for my baby. Fast forward to My daughters first birthday and I can tell you that none of the above happened!
Breast feeding did not happen for us no matter how hard I tried, after realising that babies like to vomit... A LOT and get just about everything down them I soon gave up on the nice clothes. She lived solely off of Ellas kitchen and HIPP organic pre made pouches, and my living room looked like the floor show room of toys r us! thats code for plastic, brightly covered tat everywhere!!!...and Peppa pig was basically the soundtrack to our day to day life.
It was also becoming apparent that some days it was almost impossible to take a shower and do my make up. With a husband in the military and away for most the week it was tough!
I felt like a failure. Where had I gone wrong? Fast forward a few years and now the proud mother of three, I have lowered my standards and my expectations. My house is full of plastic tat, my kids rule the tv at least 3 (I'm lying 5) days of the week, the baby lives off pouches as we enter our weaning journey. Pizza and mc Donalds drive through happen at least a few times a month and I am considering taking out shares in batiste dry shampoo because my hairs living off the stuff.
I have realised that all of that doesn't make me a failure as a mum because thats what was needed to be done in order to survive. Don't get me wrong this isn't everyday or every week. Some weeks I am bossing it! Ive made steak pies, spag bowl and a roast dinners from scratch. Ive sat down and done arts and crafts with the kids and taken them to the park and I even managed to wash my hair more than once!
Sometimes "life happens". The kids get poorly, the baby is going through leap 2367 on wonder weeks and wakes every flipping hour of the night. There has been endless parents evenings, harvest festivals and bring a plastic milk carton to make some craft crap that your child will bring home, and you have to keep on the kitchen table for at least a week so they don't have the mother of all meltdowns because you didn't keep the milk carton painted like an elephant. (true story by the way) The elephant was pretty good to be fair but it outstayed it welcome on my kitchen table by day two!
My point is, sometimes as mums we just have to do what awe need to do to make it through the week and survive. If you gave your child a mcdonalds happy meal for dinner or you let them watch their iPad for the afternoon and your giving the baby endless rice cakes to snack on just so you could get some peace and quiet, good for you! Your doing what you need to survive that day.
I call them my "off days" days where its all about survival. They don't happen everyday but when they happen I have learnt to let go (just a little) of the guilt that I'm a bad mum for doing these things. Im just a mum, like many others just trying to survive the day.
Natasha x
No comments
Post a Comment